When my mother's dementia grew worse by the day, she got meaner and meaner. My brother and I shared responsibility for making sure she was cared for, in her own home, by one of several paid caregivers, or else we did it ourselves. It got so bad, we would call each other up and say, "She got me."
That was all we needed to say. She could hurt us like only a mother can.
We did not know she had dementia. On her death certificate was "Alzheimer's." None of her doctors had ever mentioned it. We did not know enough to ask, until now that my husband has it, and my brother's in-laws also, so we know that was mother's problem all along. But because we did not know, we were denied the loving support found on alz.org message board.
On the spouse/caregiver forum, we feel free to vent, knowing however we feel, someone feels the same way. It helps. But at times I don't feel like going into details. So I'm going to start a thread titled, "Ditto."
Ranting, raving, and nit-picking the stupid stuff is destructive to me -- both when I do it and when I read too much of it. Yet I need to give and receive support. Maybe "ditto" will become shorthand for I hear you, I understand how you feel, I would help if I could, and here's a huge hug.